Christy
Bergemann, B.A., L.C.C.E.
"What
can I do?" "How can I help her?" "I don't want her
to be in pain."
These are
common concerns of a pregnant woman's labor-support partner at a Lamaze
childbirth education class.
It doesn't
matter whether her partner is the father of the child, a friend, or
a relative, all share the same concern and desire to help the woman
when she's in labor. Their apprehension stems from the newness of the
situation, the unknowns that lie ahead and the feeling that they're
unprepared. One can almost read it in the partner's body language when
he or she arrives at the first Lamaze class.
The root
of their concern is that they care deeply for the pregnant woman and
thus feel a strong commitment to help her. And help her they can. The
caring that underlies their concern is what makes them the best person
to be with mom in labor. When the partner shows mom how much he or she
cares, the laboring woman begins to relax. Relaxation is the key to
a positive childbirth experience.
It starts
with the partner's physical presence. Having her partner beside her
helps reduce a laboring woman's anxiety and stress levels, making the
process of labor easier. She draws strength, comfort and confidence
from her partner's presence.
Add to that
the partner's holding her, massaging her, gently hugging her and speaking
words of encouragement, support and pride in a calm soothing manner,
and the laboring woman relaxes even further, which helps ease the pain
more. The more physically comforting the partner is, the less pain mom
feels.
The more
she relaxes, she more she is able to concentrate on the Lamaze breathing
and relaxation techniques which take her mind away from the pain and
reduce it to a level where the contractions become bearable.
"But
what can I say?" partners ask. Actually, anything comforting, soothing
and positive: "You're doing well." "Look how far we've
come." "'We're getting much closer to seeing the baby."
"I love you." "I'm proud of you." "Can I get
you anything?"
The last
statement refers to the other major support partners can offer laboring
women: providing them with the physical comfort measures that help them
relax and cope: for example, blankets, socks, and ice chips-to name
a few.
Putting their
own desires aside and focusing on mom and her wants and needs enables
the partner to give mom the help she needs. The attitude of "I'm
here to help; what would you like me to do?" makes it easier for
the mom-to-be to cope.
As labor
progresses and the pain intensifies, mom comes to rely more and more
on her partner's presence and comfort. Whether mom eventually has pain
medication or goes without, partner's presence is essential. The well-prepared
partner will arrive at the hospital with his or her own supply of food
and drink so that he/she can stay with mom throughout the process. The
partner will also make certain that mom brings tools that help her relax--soothing
music (and headphones), socks, massage tools, pillows--anything that
mom feels she might need during labor and delivery.
All in all, there's no special trick to helping a laboring woman, no list of do's and don'ts- -it's really love. Partner's presence and support and letting his/her feelings for the laboring woman come through provide the most help. When partners do that, the birth experience for the laboring woman is easier--and for both mom and partner, it's much richer--a true sharing of a unique, wonderfully rewarding life experience.